Monday, August 28, 2006

Flash Fiction Friday

Yes I am aware that this is monday, but I have a lot comming up this week. The blog chain #5 is rolling and only one person is in front of me, so that will be up soon, if not sooner.

This is Flash Fiction Friday. Flash fiction is a story told in 1 scene, kind of like a 1 act play.
We are using this as an exercise for the grey matter. Two entries are already up and wow, don't think mine will even pale in comparison, but I have to try :)
Paul walked around the ruins of the old garden.
“Don’t you love this? You can feel the history of the place can’t you, in every stone, crevice, and crack?”
Linda was tired, tired of walking, tired of bugs flying around, tired of seeing every old building and site on the tourist map,” You’re the one ‘cracked’” she mumbled under her breath.
Out loud she said “Yes dear.” Smiling at him as best she could to hide the boredom she was feeling.
The trip had been Paul’s idea. “We need to get away, just the two of us. Away from the kids, the house, the jobs. I feel like we are drifting apart. All we do anymore is go to work, come home, deal with the kids or the house or what have you. Then I do my thing and you do your thing. We hardly ever do ‘our’ thing.” Linda snorted at the memory.
He had made this grand speech after yet another fight. She couldn’t even remember what the last one had been about. That’s what they really did anymore. Fight. She knew she could not take it anymore and had begun making plans to leave. Then he sprang this trip on her; a waste of their savings as far as she was concerned.
Paul interrupted her musing by taking her hand.
“Come look at this!” he tugged gently to get her to follow him. With a sigh she relented. Linda was surprised that even though everything he did got on her last nerve anymore, when he touched her, her skin still tingled and the warmth from his body would still fill her.
“Do you see this tower?” Paul pointed to a dilapidated gate tower sitting just off the path. The tower listed to one side. Part of the building seemed to have been shot with a cannon or repeated gun fire, the outer part of the brick was gone.
“Yes dear, lovely tower.” Linda tried to feign interest.
“That tower makes me think of us.” Paul pulled her into his arms. Her back nestled into him so naturally. He wrapped his arms around her holding her close and kept them both looking at the tower.
“Look at the tower. See how time, weather, even war have attacked it. How through everything that has come at it through the ages it still stands? Oh it may not be as majestic as it once was, but it is still beautiful. Still strong. That tower is us. We aren’t as young as we were when we started out, but through job changes, kids, life, everything, we are still standing. Still strong.” Paul turned Linda to face him. “ Still beautiful.” He took her face into his hands and kissed her like it was the very first time.
When he finally broke the kiss, Linda slowly became aware of her surroundings again. Suddenly she wasn’t tired of it all; she was full of life, energy, ready to once again face anything. Linda leaned into Paul, “You know dear, I think you were right. This trip is exactly what we needed.”

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Anonymous Laurie said...

It's nice. Comforting and homey, if that makes sense. Happiness making.:)

Good job! :)

8/28/2006 09:40:00 PM  
Anonymous Lounge Flounder said...

Nice scene. Next time, try to let the setting speak for itself a bit more. Create mood in the details. I know you have taken some crit for lack of dialogue, but do not objects speak, as well? You hint at some of that here, but you skim the surface of what could be done. Your description of the tower at the end could have made some of Paul's speech for him, see?

It's good!

8/29/2006 03:14:00 AM  
Blogger Bk30 said...

ah Lounge Flounder my friend...I wonder..can he still play guitar with a beer bottle so well?

8/29/2006 03:24:00 AM  
Blogger Chanpheng said...

Nice story. I like how you weave the setting of the old garden with the feelings of your character.

8/29/2006 09:23:00 AM  
Blogger Cath Smith said...

Cool, nice job, BK. Although I was half expecting her to push him off a cliff... :)

8/30/2006 07:18:00 AM  
Blogger Cave Dweller said...

Wow! I didn't see that ending coming. Not sure what I expected but something else. Good work!

8/30/2006 03:25:00 PM  
Anonymous CaySedai said...

I was expecting a different ending, as well. This is sweet and hopeful.

8/30/2006 11:48:00 PM  
Blogger Bk30 said...

hmmm...except for Cath over there lusting for blood (lol I can't help it, it cracks me up)...what kind of ending did you see?

8/31/2006 01:38:00 AM  
Blogger Anne/kq said...

Wow, I love this story! It leaves me feeling fulfilled at the end; it's not too incomplete.

8/31/2006 01:46:00 AM  

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